Empty Self

Never having Fasted, or really never considering a purpose to fasting for me (even though I knew people who Fasted that seemed to get a LOT out of it) - I promised the Lord I would agree to a Fast with a Women's Intercessory Prayer group I am a part of.

Prior to this commitment, I was 'doing better' in my recovery from almost total exhaustion from some circumstances and situations that had taken a toll on me physically, mentally and emtionally. Then, on Sunday (Valentine's Day), before the fast was to begin, I had rested up - prayed up - partied up with Valentine calls, cards and food........ Love and Life was in the air!!

I went to church that Sunday, and due to memories of the  PAST- and the reality of the PRESENT (as my husband is living with some dementia), great fear of loosing all the 'history of our memories' come over me. Grief and despair and tears were overwhelming. To top it off, the evening Church service made the pain worse - as I seemed to find no comfort to 'my feelings and needs'. I was dealing with some very distrubing thoughts of what I thought I understood of God's Mercy and Grace....

I tired to 'prepare myself' for the Fast that was beginning the next day and God just wouldn't listen to my confusion, hurt, questions, feelings.....My great complaint was that the past life was fading until I would not (and nobody else would) know or care or value our 'Life Story' -- I asked the Lord to Touch me and Nothing!!

I told the Lord I would go ahead with the Fast even without feeling it was something for me...and gave up and stopped trying to feel or hear God....VERY Disappointed.

THEN, the Lord said, "Empty Out SELF".........and as I literally breathed out, I was truly empty of all the conflict and stress and confusion. Then the Lord said, 'I have your Remembrance"  - "I have it ALL". I was totally filled with PEACE and I remembered that I had been promised in the past that a Book of Remembrance was written by the Lord. I went to my Bible and found it in Malachi 3:14-18: "Then they that feared the Lord spake often one to another; and the Lord hearkened and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before him for them that feared the Lord, and that thought upon his name. And they will be mine, saith the Lord of Hosts, in that day when I make up my jewels; and I will spare them, as a man spareth his own son that serveth him."

At the side of this scripture I had written in my Bible: "I have a book. God knows my every thought, care, act, prayer and tears--HE KNOWS AND HE CARES--THAT IS ALL THAT IS IMPORTANT!"

I then prayed in the Spirit and asked the Lord to not only empty out 'Self', but to fill me, rest me, use me and bless me. I renewed my committment to God and to the Prayer Intercessory Group's mission:  "We are committed to being Spiritual Intercessors to shake the heavens and the earth for God".

Then, I brought before the Lord the ones who have given their prayer needs to our Women's Intercessors Prayer group  (as God brought to my memory). So many and so many situations and needs. I thanked him for allowing me to have a Part His Plan and Plans for Others...I called out the names of the wonderful prayer partners, friends, family,and PRAISED HIM!!

It was a wonderful Spiritual Experience. I was restored, refreshed and READY TO FAST!!The Day of Fasting was Wonderful in the WORD, SPIRIT AND PRAYERS! I DIDN'T NEED OR EVEN THINK OF FOOD -I HAD MORE ENERGY THAN I NEEDED.....and I was JUST FILLED WITH JOY!!


Wanetta